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Saturday, October 11, 2008

Lucky me! (first draft)


It was a sunny morning. Instead of taking bus to town, Ida and I decided to go shopping at YAWATA Supermarket by motorbike. It was a tough ride of course for about 20 minutes before we reached the supermarket.


Later we decided to fill in the petrol as it had almost reached the empty level. Who knows we might get trapped in the traffic or stuck in the middle of the road later? Carefully, I ride my motorbike to the edge of the road and enter the petrol station area. I saw a few men washing cars at the gas pump. So I straight away wait for my turn behind a motorcycle. Ida got down from the bike to pay the money.


As i started to think of owning a car in the future, the pump man finished filling in my motorbike oil tanks. Without thinking much, I switched on the bike and pressed the gear to speed. I don't know why, the motorcycle suddenly moved towards the edge of the other side of the petrol station area where there was a long but not too deep drain, bushes and gate.


Oh gosh! What was happening to me! I could not even think to press the brake or grasping the handbrake. I don't know why i just let the motorbike carried away by itself to the end of the area.


I closed my eyes. 'Bang!' a crashing sounds from motorbike awoke me as I felt like flying away from the bike to the air. Bump! Ouch! I landed on a grassy ground. I felt like my pant was torn because something sharp was pressing my thigh and legs. It was a dry branch of flower trees planted near the drain. Fortunately I wore helmet and my precious head was safe. I glad I was not faint or bleeding. As I tried to get up, an old man who I just called 'pak cik', and my friend Ida, hurried up towards me. I was alive. Thank god!


He lifted up m my motorbike and asked us to rest near the workshop right beside the petrol station. All the mechanics were watching us with anxiety of severe injuries. What a shame. I just simply got an accident at a petrol station. Actually the accident was so funny. But then I started to feel trauma. I tried really hard to overcome the feeling because i got to get back before sunset.


I was started to getting nervous as I discovered that the tyre has punctured and I didn't know how to replace the new tyre. And also that was not my motorbike. It's Syetul’s motorbike, who has gone back to the village for holiday. I was not supposed to involve her motorcycle with any miscellaneous. I tried to calm myself by smiling and relaxing.


Maybe the God Almighty wanted to help me because that pak cik was a mechanic. He brought a spare tyre and started to repair the bike. Then, he had finished his work. We paid him RM10.00. Shivering with fear I started the journey back to the hostel.


Praying hopefully the motorcycle won’t make trouble again. We went for lunch at the nearest restaurant to reduce the trauma.


Lucky me! I was still alive. God loves me. Ill be much more careful next time. Ive learned my lesson. It was one of the funniest accident and memories that ever happened to me. Ha! Ha!Ha!

13 comments:

fahmi said...

first thing i want to ask. you have licens? you should't daydream when ride bike. tyre was puncuterd because of accident or because of tyre punctured you accident?

you should to what have happen after you told the owner what happen to her bike. other that i think ok

nEuRuLe @z@Ni said...

actually..it was human fault (me) for not being to familiar with the motorcycle and technical fault also..of course i have license...the accident didn't happen on the road..it is at the petrol station.please comment my language use...i want to improve i the second draft. tq..

nEuRuLe @z@Ni said...

the tyre was punctures because of the accident..ive told the owner and i have to repair the tyre..the bike was sent for service then..my friend was kind enough to forgive me.

lupikirlah sendiri said...

salam i wonder who is syetul, another character maybe? u dont give a credit to her and the bike too, how pity huhu. well ur essay which is more like a journal entry is well told from ur own feelings and views. just pour some more the essence of the feelings in ur essay, and it will add to better point. besides u may consider using other sentence structure to vary ur writings, thats all i think good luck to ur 2nd draft!!

onekyh said...

hi.. It was an interesting experience to be share with. However, maybe the limitation of your vocabulary prevent the story from capturing readers' attention till the end. Maybe you can elaborate more on your feelings and what have triggered you to daydreaming.

Your style of writing also differ from others and it is very creative and interesting.

I like the layout of your blog, it is simple and full of colours. Just be careful when you want to use light colour over a white background such as yellow over white especially for the fonts. It is not suitable actually.

Good luck!

babysbreath said...

I wonder what had happened to you. An interesting story you have there.

I think you should be careful of your tenses. Your post has mixture of both past and present tense. Since the incident happened in the past, I think you should use past tense, nee?

The accident was funny? Eh? Why? I’d like to know the reason why you found the accident funny. You must have some funny reasons. Hihihi…

Maybe you can add the explanation you gave in the comment in your 2nd draft...

Ganbatte kudasai!!

yagami said...

Hahahaha, a funny experience to share!!! Just check on some few grammatical erros done

nEuRuLe @z@Ni said...

hahaha

hanmie7227 said...

Wow….that is sure a bad experience for you. I am hoping that nothing like that would ever happen to you again. Please, be careful when you are on road. It is not safe anymore and we never know when and where the danger will come.


Now, for your writing, I think it is better for you to start your writing with something interesting. A good introduction could make your reader feel excited what you want to tell them in your writing later. Just like nasi goreng kampong, it becomes more delicious when you add scrambled eggs with it. So does your writing.


Besides, I think that if you can elaborate more about the accidents could make the story better. Your feeling is important here. I think that you should elaborate more on it. For example is during the accident ; did you have headache, or did you see stars after the accident. What happened to the motorbikes, and many more.
That’s all.

nEuRuLe @z@Ni said...

i like ur ideas hanmie..ill try..

¬(_NaMi_)¬ said...

wow.. lots of phrasal verb in ur writing,, tabik spring to u..

1. ....isi minyak.. fill in.. i check on this site,
http://www.phrasalverbdemon.com/dictionaryf.htm

bout fill in. That's not the correct PV 4 isi minyak. It's fill up


2. a. .... for about 20 minutes before we "reached the supermarket."

b. .... petrol as it had almost "reached the empty level"

The a. is correct but i'm not so sure bout the b, it doesn't feel and sound rite to me, myb bcoz i'm not familiar with this phrase.

3. ....we might "get trapped" in the traffic

why trapped need to be in participle form. At first i thought this is a glaring gramatical error but Mr cambridge says get can also be 'be'. any verbs after 'be' ought to be in participle form.. so correctla get trapped...

tq neurule, i learnt lots of new thing from ur draft (bodek2 nih, nak agar kering lagi:))

tatta...

blueberry said...

i think limited vocabulary will become the obstacle for you to grab the readers' attention.

besides that, try to be careful with the use of different colour for the text. remember to use font colour that are contrast with the background. this will ensure that the text can be read easily.

in addition, the use of too many colour can also become a distractor. it may seems to be fancy to you, but psychologically and from the multimedia aspect, it may cause distraction to the reader.
good luck with ur second draft..k

persona non grata said...

wow! You was very lucky… your article was interesting. But I think that maybe u like to elaborate how you had told the motocycle’s owner about that incident? How she reacted?

I think that you should balance your paragraphs. For example, paragraph 8th and 9th should be in one paragraph.